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| Bake some today! |
Yes, you heard me. Poop. I was contemplating all the ways that defecating has permeated our cultural language; not only in the ways that we describe poop, but also slang terms (which are really fun if you ask me - please, ask me) and the way we interact with it, but I actually won't go there. I will leave that to the "2 girls, 1 cups" of the world. And Japan. And Germany. I hear they like that kind of thing there.
Try explaining to a foreigner about the word shit.
Me: "Hello, you there..."
Foreigner: "Me?"
Me: "Yes, you with the lederhosen on."
Foreigner: "Yes, that is me."
Me: "Remember how you asked me about an hour ago how to get to the Guggenheim, and I didn't know? Well, I do have something I can teach you. I could sure teach you some shit. I mean things. I can teach you things, like slang."
Foreigner: "Oh yes? I would love to know about the slang."
Poop = shit but shit does not = poop. Try to replace shit with poop and it doesn't work (but it is funny). So, if you want to pull some shit on a foreigner, tell them that poop is a hot slang word. No pun intended.
"Ok, so you want to be the shit, but you don't ever want to get shit on, have people talk shit about you, or be a piece of shit. You do, however, want people to give a shit about you, because that means they care. No, not if they give you shit, that's bad, but if they give a shit about you, that's good. Also, if you're going to take a shit, that's normal, but you could also call it a few things if you want to be more "eloquent". I think eloquent would be not telling people your bowel movement schedule, but you could say, 'I'm going to drop the kids off at the pool,' or 'I'm about to bake a batch of brownies.'Oh, and lastly, you don't want someone to kick the shit out of you, that's violent, but it's okay if they say they want to hug the shit out of you, that's love. Have fun in New York!"
I would love to use bake a batch of brownies in place of taking a dump, but I love brownies so much I can't mix slang shit with brownies. And even as I type brownies, I could be talking about any number of brownies. I love slang. And I love America.
